i'm dying here. my (very serious) GF and i (15 months) had been having trouble all summer. all sorts of personal and health problems going on with her, i stood by her as best as possible. then, she goes to a Tony Robbins (motivational speaker/leader) event. i'm a little dubious, but genuinely being supportive as well. she comes back a -new- person. part of that is really good, part of it is kind of scary. she, in essence, gives me an ultimatim: shape up or i'll leave you. i'm hesitant about all of this, but concede that i'll make some changes in my life to accomodate her new 'self'. flash foward a week. things aren't working out. everything i do agitates her, not enough, etc. we have (another) huge fight, she leaves. that's it. she goes out of town with a close girlfriend of hers.
meanwhile, i assume that our relationship is now dead. i'm mourning this, and not dealing with it in a very healthy way. so angery, so sad, so hurt. l've loved this woman so much.
i go to a local bar to drink about it (mistake 1). some woman at the bar listens to me vent about my gf. i get beyond drunk (mistake 2). well, this woman ends up coming home with me (mistake 3). we sleep together (mistake 4 through 10000). strangely, i had surprisingly little guilt about it the next day. i thought to myself "well, this means it's finally over".
GF comes back into town. comes over to talk. she says that she wants to try to do better in our relationship. i tell her that i slept with a random stranger while she was gone. she is DEVASTATED.
now, i feel horrific guilt and pain that i have terribly hurt some whom i still love dearly.
can anyone give me a little emotional/moral clarity? i feel like the biggest ####### who has ever walked the earth. i still love her immeasurably.
please, feedback requested.
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