WILL SHE CHEAT? SHOULD I TEST HER? Post a Reply | Views: 706 | Started By: Noah | Replies: 2 I know this sounds really mean but deep in my heart I have to know... I have been dating my girlfriend for three years and we have lived together for two. Over that period of time she has done very little to hold onto the few friends she had before we started dating. Time and time again I explained to her how important it was for both of us to have other things in our life other than our relationship and she continually blew me off saying it wasn't important. In the last year we have been together she has finally begun to understand that maintianing at least a few girlfriends is healthy and helps, along with our relationship, in developing herself as a person... As she finally began to realize this she was given the opportunity to go on a vacation with her family. Two nights after her return home I took her out with some of my friends, as usual, to get some drinks. (It should be noted here that many times she has told me that she feels like she doesn't go out to bars etc. enough and isn't experiencing what she sees alot of other 21 yr olds experiencing.) Anyway,  we were out drinking and as usual she couldn't handle her liquor and ended up saying to me after a little arguing, "I could have been with so and so on my trip but I didn't for you." My immediate reaction was shock and disbelief that she would ever even think of cheating on me. My next reaction was to reach for some kind of trophy to give her for giving up the temptation of another guy after living with me for two years. "You got to be kidding me," I said...As it turns out this guy had shown a great deal of interest in her and provided her with what most single guys provide, "good cousleing." She started to make-out with him and then pushed him away. I forgave her and we continued on with what otherwise was a very loving but sometimes needy relationship. Five months later with some encouragement from me she agreed to meet a girlfriend of hers for dinner and drinks..I was again very happy that she was trying to maintain contact with her friends and wanted her to have a good time. That night apparently another guy took interest in her and he spent the whole night laughing with her and her girlfriend. The two groups shared a cab together and my girlfriend put her friend to bed and drove back to the house where the guys had gone alone. You can all guess what happened next. The following day I asked her how the night had gone and she said she had a great time. She had a huge smile on her face and I was happy inside to know that she was keeping contact with her old friends. Later that night I got a call from the boyfriend of the girl she had gone out with saying that the "girls had gotten into some sh*t last night" and he wanted me to know what happened. I ended the conversation there and immediately confronted my girlfriend about it. She responded with great anger and said that he was lying about everything and just trying to break us up. I knew immediately that she was lying. At this point she went as far as to call her mother and tell her what this guy was trying to do to her. (By telling me what the girls had done) .It was a huge scene and through it all I knew she was lying. So...I started very gently with the questions. "id you kiss somebody," I asked. "No, she replied about five times. "Well somebody told me you did alot more than that"," I said after five no's from her. The the tears started to come out. She said she had kissed someone at the bar and just went home. (This was obviosuly another lie in itself as she went back to these guys house before anything happened.) From then on it took another two hours just to get her to admit that she had actually gone back to this guys house by herself. One lie led to another until I finally pieced together the story and layed it in front of her..She swears up and down she only "made out with him" and doesn't know why she did it. Single guys at bars rarely will accept only making out with someone, so as you might imagine I have already accepted that she did more. There had to be consequences for this behavior so in turn I moved out for a week to get my head straight. The entire week we both missed eachother tremendously and talked about starting again. I was reluctant but I have loved her so much during our time together that I was willing to give our relationship another shot. Since that night things have been great as I have been spending almost all of my time with her and we are rarely apart. She still has very few girlfriends and thus still doens't have very many other things going on besides me and her work. This is fine with me but I constantly find myself wondering "what if" she did have these other things going on..What if she was put into situations where guys were showing her attention. Could she resist? The fews times she has been without me she has given in. (It should be said here that she has said over and over again that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.) But again, I am always brought back to the question whether she can resist this male attention or not... My position is if she cheats on me again its over. In the long run I can only see myself marrying her if she can resist being such a sponge for other guys attention. (flirting, cheating etc.) Should I set her up? Should I push her to go out more often to see if she slips again? Both of these things sound very mean but again in the three years we have been together she has had very little exposure to temptation. . I HAVE TO KNOW that I mean more than ego boosts these random guys seem to give her. (It should be noted that I have lived with my girlfriend since she was 19. I am now 25 and she is 21. This obviously worries me as well) Any advice would be a tremendous help. I am at a crossroads now after three years and don't know which road to choose..A this point it is vary hard just to let love guide me as our trust has been broken twice. Thanks for your support everyone

Main / Sexuality Talk

It seems to me that your girlfriend and you need to sit down and have a conversation on honesty to begin with.  If you cannot even trust what she tells you, how will your relationship ever work? I am not in a position to confirm whether she will cheat or not, but you need to be able to believe her whenever she tells you that nothing happened with another guy. That's the foundation of your relationship. Responded: dakarcherie   The way I see it, you may have pushed her into doing it. I know, I know...but if my live-in encouraged me to go out to the clubs with my girlfriends, there has to be some sort of consequences. Maybe she felt hurt that you didn't want to spend time with her...my question is why didn't you go with her? Girls night out is always fun and I realize everyone needs their space, but in the back of my mind there would be that little something that said, "He's encouraging me to hang out at bars with my friends but why?" I believe that it's healthy to have friends, but there are also other ways of enjoying that time with them. Nine times out of ten, when you're at a club, you're looking for something...fun, sex...whatever. We all know alcohol has a way of making us do some strange things. That's no an excuse, but it may have helped hender the actions that she took. There's no way I approve of the infidelity, but I understand the way she must have felt. It goes deeper than just being with the two fella's...she's searching for something you're not giving her. No matter how much you love her and she you, there's something missing in your relationship or she wouldn't have searched for it elsewhere. Remember that women seek affection from different avenues. We are way more complicated when it comes to the emotional stuff and I doubt it was just a sexual thing with her...she longed for the attention. Do I think you should pursue the cheating thing? No, I don't. You may not want to see the outcome. If you can't trust her, then you should either end the relationship or seek counseling. Tricking her into infidelity will always come back on you, whether it be the aching pain in your heart or the madness in your mind that will tear at you. Silly games are a no-no. I suggest counseling if you really want to work this through, for both of your sakes. Just one woman's opinion, but remember...you asked.   Responded: Trish